SEVEN classic albums and how to BS your way through them
How to impress friends and alienate purists
There’s a specific kind of panic that sets in when asked to offer an opinion on a supposedly classic record, but being too woefully ill-versed to contribute anything. I mean, who has time to listen to albums from beginning to end these days, let alone form a coherent opinion on them? I can only last about 30 seconds into the first track before I start instinctively swiping the air like I’m trying to scroll to the next reality. Unfortunately, though, music is somehow still considered a legitimate art form, so until the blessed AI fully takes over and we don’t have to worry about artists/ actual songwriting anymore, we’re stuck bluffing our way through NPC dialogue sequences pretending we give a single procedurally generated shit how great The Velvet Underground once were, perhaps, maybe, idk.
It’s well known that we here at gk! offer the highest-quality music journalism currently on the internet, but even we know that glazed-eyes feeling that comes with reading elaborately thought-out, lengthy reviews when all you really want is an is gud or sucks. Still, we’re convinced our opinion matters, so until we decide to adapt to current-gen attention spans we shan’t be changing this time-tested, self-satisfied assessment method. We are, however, extending an olive branch in this instalment of SEVEN: the series that somehow manages to do everything and nothing. You no longer need to come clean and admit to never listening; displaying that untenable amount of cultural ignorance is now a thing of the past.
So, following on from my last public service prescribing seven plugs — sorry — medicinal albums to cure your stomach issues, I’m now teaching you how to BS your way through inane chatter about seven albums the world seems insistent you listen to. I’ll provide safe opinions for those not wanting to rock the boat, controversial ones for those who’ve grown tired of having knees in the middle of their legs, and conclusive one-liners that’ll kill the conversation stone dead. Additionally, should you need a slight redirect, I’ll be giving you some useless but easily-remembered trivia about each album you can use to volley the conversation toward something more familiar. You know, just in case you hate talking about music but don’t want to seem uninformed.
You’ll find releases from a range of genres and eras, condensed to their bare bones with their oftentimes thoughtful, nuanced concepts reduced down to a handful of lines on your screen. Is this fundamentally disrespectful to many of these LPs? Yes, it is. But you know me — like Mr. Sparkle, I am disrespectful to dirt.
Pink Floyd - The Dark Side of the Moon
When someone with an IPA in hand says: … it’s the kind of album where the construction does as much emotionally as the lyrics — a meditation on alienation, threading ideas of time, money and mortality through this really deliberate structure, you know? It’s amazing, isn’t it?
You say:
Safe take: It is. It’s one of those records that tackles heavy themes without ever feeling too cumbersome or weighty, which is impressive given it’s probably the most intense of their classic era. I love that it works as a full experience, but every track can still be enjoyed individually for different reasons. Really sells the cohesion.
What you’re communicating: I have good taste and am aware of the band’s legacy and importance. I have validated you, and now I await your validation in return.
To stir the pot: It straight-up doesn’t work. Its themes are presented so broadly that any implied depth is purely down to people projecting and feathering their own interpretations. It’s stodgy, pseudo-profound, and nowhere near as thoughtful as Wish You Were Here or Animals. Even The Wall develops its ideas with more energy, and that’s one of the most on-the-nose records Pink Floyd ever released.
What you’re communicating: Not only am I disagreeing, I’m also calling you pretentious and offering a back-handed compliment to a different Pink Floyd classic as a bonus.
Useless trivia injection: A more popular urban legend suggests that this album synchronises perfectly with the movie The Wizard of Oz when the two are played together. It doesn’t, but people have spent decades insisting otherwise.
Conversation killer: The clock jumpscare was a great idea, I was starting to nod off.
Nas - Illmatic
When your uncle pauses mid-roll-up and says: … I’m telling you, the rawness and immediacy of Illmatic are unrivalled. It’s so tightly curated and creates such a sense of time and place it’s hard not to get invested in the storytelling, even if you don’t like hip hop. What do you think of it? Nas’ best, right?
You say:
Safe take: Oh, it’s undoubtedly his best and he’s been chasing that quality ever since. The bars and flows feel so effortless, even lazy at first, but the more time you spend digging in the clearer it becomes how incredibly deliberate and vivid it is. Everything locks together so perfectly: the beats complement the flows and lyricism completely and paint such a rich picture of New York street life. That discipline is what gives it such an impressive, memorable weight.
What you’re communicating: I understand hip hop and the context of this record. I may have watched the This Is Illmatic documentary, I may not have… but please please please don’t ask me.
To stir the pot: Most overrated hip hop album in history and it’s not even close to his best. Yeah, it sounds raw, but that’s not a compliment — it just sounds unfinished rather than intentional. The gritty street themes would be more hard-hitting if I hadn’t heard them done better a thousand times since and although it might be influential in that regard, it hasn’t aged well and is far from the perfectly constructed, untouchable classic it’s touted as. Oh, his best?
Plausible answer: It Was Written / Stillmatic
If you want them to shout at you: Nastradamus
What you’re communicating: Its influence is doing a lot of heavy lifting, and beyond that I’m not convinced the album earns its reputation. I imagine whistling with blades of grass was very influential at one point too.
Useless trivia injection: Recorded when Nas was only 20 years old, which is impressive given the lyrical maturity.
Conversation killer: He’s a solid lyricist, I’ll give him that. Shame he can’t rap that well.
The Beatles - Abbey Road
When a friend of a friend wearing a clearly unwashed band tee says: …I mean, what’s left to say about Abbey Road? Simply one of the warmest, most entertaining rock albums of all time and the way it balances big, iconic moments with smaller, more playful ones is just perfect.
You say:
Safe take: Absolutely, it’s a hard record to fault besides the fact it’s not long enough. It’s got a genteel looseness to it even though it’s marvellously refined, with the polish highlighting the personality rather than suppressing it. It even sneaks in some of the Beatles’ heaviest cuts, which is a joy on what is ostensibly a pop album. Even the lighter moments demonstrate an intentionality that falls in with the scope of the LP — nothing feels disposable or throwaway. Just end-to-end classics, really.
What you’re communicating: Armchair critic mode: engaged. Everyone loves the Beatles, and I would like you to know I understand why.
To stir the pot: Nah mate, completely forgettable album with zero edge or urgency. It’s certainly polished… to the point where nothing has any feeling or verve; it’s an album of neatly presented hooks with nothing meaningful beyond their earworm value. And even those, when you really break them down, are incredibly simplistic and devoid of all but the most basic level of creativity. It baffles me that it’s so frequently cited as peak Beatles when realistically, it sits lower than Yellow Submarine in terms of quality.
What you’re communicating: I accept their importance, but I think your attachment to this is little more than hand-me-down nostalgia. Also, I’m going to be hyperbolic about how bad it is to annoy you.
Useless trivia injection: Did you know Paul McCartney is actually dead? And that the album art is full of symbolism hinting at this? No, seriously — My dad’s mate’s workfriend’s builder’s cousin’s gamekeeper’s second wife heard from the woman who got arrested for feeding the birds laxatives in the centre of town.
Conversation killer: [while badly stifling a snigger] …you like The Beatles??
Nirvana - Nevermind
When someone shouts into your ear over the bass in the club: …the finest grunge album and probably the best release of the ’90s, it was a true cultural flashpoint that redefined what ‘popular’ could be. It changed everything.
You say:
Safe take: Yeah, the thing Nevermind did so well was to contort viable rock formulas into something that felt like a recontextualisation rather than an outright reinvention. The precision, particularly in how it shifts from loud to quiet and its willingness to ride the very edge of what constitutes ‘listenable’ in the mainstream without ever falling off the deep end, makes it feel both accessible and still dangerous in the modern age.
What you’re communicating: I understand both the sonic texture and the historical context of Nevermind. My shirt is not just a fashion statement, I really can name five songs, you needn’t ask.
To stir the pot: We never seem to move on from the no one understands me mode of immature petulance, and we never will as long as there are teenagers and stunted middle-agers treating it like a meaningful display of emotionality. It isn’t, and the fact Nevermind is such an enduring, top-selling record is slightly ironic given how capitalism bad the band were. Underwritten, irritatingly produced album that was carried more by its good timing than anything else.
What you’re communicating: It’s an album for the emotionally stunted created by a trio who knew exactly how to play the industry they claimed to resent.
Useless trivia injection: Many years after the release of the album, the man who had been the baby on the album art attempted to sue the label for using his likeness (despite returning to recreate the iconic image for an anniversary shoot a few years prior). He lost, obviously.
Conversation killer: Bleach was better.
Radiohead - OK Computer
When someone with suspiciously spotless windows says: …it’s impossible to decide whether OK Computer is their best work, but the way it integrates themes of alienation so meticulously into its structure yet simultaneously sounds so beautiful, is one of the most controlled displays of songwriting of all time. What’s your favourite Radiohead?
You say:
Safe take: Yeah it is difficult to choose a favourite, but OK Computer is definitely up there. The way it feels so fragile that at any moment it may disintegrate yet retains such a strong emotional core throughout is really something, especially in how the sense of alienation somehow keeps the songs slightly impersonal without ever lapsing into outright sterility. In Rainbows maybe expanded on this grounding somewhat, but for nuance, OK Computer still feels unrivalled.
What you’re communicating: I’m displaying awareness of the band’s ethos and of their wider discography. I’m just as pretentious as you.
To stir the pot: It is difficult to choose a favourite for sure, just not for the same reason. It’s an issue with the group themselves, not just OK Computer — they’re a maudlin, one-note rock band that capitalised on their unexpected success and never developed beyond their angsty roots. At this point they’ve hoodwinked an entire generation into thinking generic songwriting, slight rawness and Thom Yorke’s nipple-chafing vocals somehow equal profundity.
What you’re communicating: You’ve been conned, and I’m here to save your soul.
Useless trivia injection: The beeps at the end of ‘‘Let Down’’ are morse code… which doesn’t translate to anything meaningful. Checks out.
Conversation killer: They recorded the album in a posh English countryside retreat. Omg sooooooo alienated.
Kendrick Lamar - To Pimp a Butterfly
When someone corners you at a party and says: …To Pimp a Butterfly is such a thoughtful, impressive record it transcends its hip hop roots entirely and becomes one of the most important, enduringly topical releases of all time.
You say:
Safe take: Yeah it’s hard to overstate how necessary a statement the album makes, and that’s without even getting into the music itself. Its blend of messiness and fluidity shouldn’t cohere as well as it does, but with Kenny’s syrupy flows and its thematic focus acting as the razor wire that ties the whole thing together, it becomes one of the most complete musical experiences out there. And that’s before you even get to its integration of culturally important samples and styles. There’s a reason it routinely tops All Time lists.
What you’re communicating: The sonic quality of this record is second only to its messaging, which shows I understand not only how to assess the music, but also its cultural weight.
To stir the pot: It makes necessary statements for sure, but Kendrick’s popularity before it released means that it was hardly a brave or risky move. If anything, it felt calculated; he knew how it’d be received and he knew he’d be acclaimed for the concept… because that’s really the only thing the record has going for it. Strip that away and you’re left with an abrasive, bloated, sub-standard hip hop record that, despite being well-intentioned, is sorely lacking in actual production quality.
What you’re communicating: Resonant themes count for little if the surrounding landscape is an abject mess.
Useless trivia injection: Much of the album was constructed from long jam sessions with live musicians, which explains the album’s sense of controlled chaos throughout.
Conversation killer: Drake won the beef.
Fleetwood Mac - Rumours
When your mate who’s just bought a vinyl player says: …The emotional push and pull between Stevie Nicks and Lindsey Buckingham really make this album. The arrangements are incredibly tight, yes, but the clarity and insight of the lyricism is what makes this such an essential listen.
You say:
Safe take: Couldn’t agree more. Nicks’ impressionistic slant vs Buckingham’s control is a dichotomy for the ages. The inspired concept of emotional tumult from multiple angles allows for a richness that seems to consistently flow without ever becoming repetitive. It has this impressive balance of sparkling polish and emotional sprawl that sells both the themes and musical clarity.
What you’re communicating: I am aware of the context and how it relates to the record’s ever-broadening appeal. I’m telling you I find the content relatable without segueing into an anecdote about one of the many times I got ghosted.
To stir the pot: I don’t buy it. For one of the most elaborate breakup albums of all time, I’m not convinced it should be as polished as it is. Breakups are messy, and by all accounts this one was especially so, yet that emotional tug is notably absent from the experience. The dovetail of rigid and drifting on display throughout creates this meandering tone that seems to pull the listener in different directions without offering much insight either way. The hooks are undeniable, yes, but so is how surface-level the experience is. Not a great deal to dig into there.
What you’re communicating: I respect the intention, but the diaristic tweeness of everything going on — even when presented from more than one angle — keeps the LP as basic a musical selection as possible.
Useless trivia injection: Relations were so strained during sessions that Nicks and Buckingham barely spoke, often recording their vocal parts separately. Those moments where they seem to talk past each other? They’re a monument to human stubbornness.
Conversation killer: The bassline on ‘‘The Chain’’ is poor and crowbarred in.
*All* opinions on Radiohead are terrible and I'm glad this post/comment thread has complied with this tradition.
"Conversation killer: Bleach was better" is a real and brutal death to any good discussion. Those teenagers are real and some of them are still walking around in adult bodies!
Bleach was better, In Utero is the best