SEVEN songs about the days of the week

y'all ever heard songs before? highly recommend.

The Gregorian calendar was widely adopted in October of 1582 after the Pope declared a bull market. 322 years later, during the 1904 Olympic Marathon, the Russian delegation showed up two weeks late because they were still using the Julian calendar. For this reason, The Strokes are banned from today’s installment of SEVEN. Let’s talk about the days of the week!

Maroon 5 - “Sunday Morning”

As far as songs that could feasibly play whilst you try to escape from the Starbucks backrooms go, “Sunday Morning” is one of the most palatable and musically engaging. It’s always fun to watch younger music appreciators wade through the two decades of slop Maroon 5 (incorrect number, smh) have shunted out to discover that Songs About Jane actually contained a banger or two on it, and “Sunday Morning” is probably the most fun of the bunch. Despite its lyrical content, the track is anything but lazy, featuring an instantly head-noddable swing groove, triumphant gospel melodies, and a joyous mid-track drum break that hereby crowns Adam Levine as our Sunday SEVEN White Boy of the Week…for now.

The Velvet Underground - “Sunday Morning”

The sleepy opening number of 196SEVEN’s seminal The Velvet Underground & Nico opts for a more emotionally complex approach than the Maroon SEVEN minus TWO song we just unpacked. Despite its sluggish presentation, the bright pitched percussion and earworm of a vocal melody almost make this track sound cheery until you get to the lyrics, which describe one of the most cursed all-nighters and/or existential crises of all time. The paranoia of “Sunday Morning” is so expertly juxtaposed against its dreamy arrangement that Lou Reed has emerged from beyond the grave to snatch the Sunday SEVEN White Boy of the Week title, which he may very well be keeping due to the award being split along gender lines.

Ethel Cain - “Sunday Morning”

Congratulations to our Sunday SEVEN White Woman of the Week and her reverb plugins! If you’ve ever wandered into a Sunday morning church service and thought “this needs more Bach chorales about horrific spousal abuse”, then this is about to be, like, a major paradigm shift for your Southern Baptist ass.

Okay, the “Sunday Morning” bit is wearing a bit thin…let’s move on to more serious musical matters. High art, if you will.

Black Eyed Peas - “I Gotta Feeling”

Most of you sheep are still stuck in integer hell and haven’t figured it out yet, but “I Gotta Feeling” is actually the most landmark mathematical proof devised in the 21st century thus far. Observe the sacred texts that prove, once and for all, quantum entanglement device, that SEVEN, in fact, equals EIGHT:

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday (DO IT)

Friday, Saturday, Saturday to Sunday (DO IT)

You can’t argue with math, and it is now written in the stars that tonight’s gonna be a good night…or something. Just don’t think too hard about the implications of this finding, and definitely don’t try to apply it where it doesn’t belong. You just might break the universe.

Sunny Day Real Estate - “Friday”

“Friday” is the opening track of Sunny Day Real Estate’s self-titled second album. It’s unique for being written in a kind of proto-American Hopelandic, as many of the songs on the record had incomplete and/or nonexistent lyrics during recording, and were sung by Jeremy Enigk in a kind of enigkmatic gibberish. Something about this feels…foreboding, in like, a cosmic sense. Maybe he came across some forbidden knowledge about the days of the week that the human mind simply cannot comprehend. Oh well, I’m probably getting ahead of myself.

The Beatles - “Eight Days A Week”

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Th£ Ç^U®3 - “F®ˆDÅY ˆ’M 1N LØ√£”

…whå† håv∑ ¥øü ∂on£? ∑v£r¥th1ñg iß åll w®øng ñ0w. w1ll 1t £v∑® b∑ r3på1r∑∂? ∑1thé® wå¥, “F®ˆDÅY ˆ’M 1N LØ√£” iß a t1mél∑ss çlåss1ç ƒø® å ®∑åsøñ. 1N k˚∑∑p1ng w1th tø∂a¥’s thém∑, 1t’ß ∑v∑n 1n thé mø√i∑ “Åbøüt T1m∑!”

T˙håt shøu¬d åbøüt ∂ø 1t ƒø® thîß w∑∑k’s 1ñstållméñt øƒ ¶S¶E¶V¶E¶N…høpeƒull¥ n∑xt w∑∑k’s cøñtrîbütør cån réstøré bålånç∑ tø thé ünîv∑rß∑.